


Oblivion (one-shot)

by ellaine_mae



Series: Oblivion [2]
Category: JYJ - Fandom
Genre: Angst, M/M, One Shot, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-28
Updated: 2014-01-28
Packaged: 2018-01-10 08:50:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,934
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1157622
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ellaine_mae/pseuds/ellaine_mae
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Junsu takes a plunge into oblivion. Yoochun is left with questions.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Oblivion (one-shot)

Title: **Oblivion (one-shot)**

Author: ellaine_mae

Pairing: YooSu, Yunjae

Length: one-shot

Genre: romance, drama

Rating: PG-13

Warning: death, suicide, Yoochun POV

Summary: Junsu takes a plunge into oblivion. Yoochun is left with questions.

A/N: This the promised Yoochun POV guys. This is where the explanation comes. Don’t hate me too much, ne? on to the ficcie!~

****

 

** OBLIVION **

I didn’t know how long I had been crying. My eyes felt scratchy and my throat was sore from screaming. But I wasn’t really aware of anything else. I was not seeing anything. I could only see the lifeless body of my love, Junsu. His name ma e me feel the dizzying wave of bitter sadness. 

‘How could you do this to me?’ I asked to the wind for Junsu could never again answer me. I was just teased by recent memories we had together.

When he told me that he’d be surprising me with a special treat for our third anniversary, I was very excited. I was more than excited I was ecstatic. He’d promised me things that we’d do once we got to the special place he mentioned. We watched the sunrise, we took walks by the shore, and we dug small shells and buried our feet in the fine warm sand. We cuddled at night as we sat watching the gentle waves from the beach gently brush our feet. It was perfect. He was perfect. And I was happy. He as very funny, attentive and I loved him.

I was very content in what he gave me but in the back of my mind I felt a little guilty that I hadn’t been giving him anything in return. How could I deserve this wonderful and loving man I always held at night before I slept? How could heaven present me with this gift of a man? I had always felt inadequate when I was with Junsu. I was sure that I didn’t deserve him. It was my fear that one day he’d wake up and think that I wasn’t worth his love. I feared that he’d leave me. So I struggled to please him. To give him everything he needed. Every time he looked at me with those kind eyes, my insecurity increased and pressed more fully in my subconscious. 

Because of that I started to feel a bit suffocated. I truly loved him and he was my world but sometimes I felt I needed space to re-evaluate myself. If I couldn’t figure this out I know I’d certainly lose him. I didn’t want to lose him. I didn’t want to push him away but I couldn’t spend as much time with him as before. I knew I was really unreasonable, he loved me and he didn’t have any problems with showing it to me. But it was also the reason why I felt so uncomfortable in being with him. I hated it. I hated that feeling until now.

I seriously doubted if he ever noticed my withdrawn attitude toward him a few months ago. I struggled to behave as normally as possible as I addressed my problem. I asked my friend Jaejoong for advice. He was also in a relationship longer than me so I thought he’d be more knowledgeable in the area. But I didn’t count on Jaejoong’s unpredictable behavior. In the earliest parts of our talks, he did give me sound advice on handling my insecurities but as time passed, it became obvious to me that Jaejoong needed me as his personal shrink. The last few weeks found us more and more focused on talks (or fights) about him and Yunho than me and Junsu’s relationship. I certainly felt for Jaejoong but I couldn’t be everywhere with him to give him comfort. And I was happy that time. Junsu had just told me we’d spend a great time at the beach. For all I know Jaejoong and Yunho could go to Finland and get married and I certainly wouldn’t care.

Imagine my surprise when four days in me and Junsu’s anniversary celebration/vacation I received a call from an irritated man asking me to please drag Jaejoong out of his bar located in one of the restaurants by the beach. Hr was drinking brandy with the intent of drowning himself in it. I asked the barman if Jaejoong had been there a long time and he said that my friend had started drinking early, like eight o’ clock early. I gasped in shock because one glance at m wristwatch said it was seven forty five, at night. For a moment I admired his ability to keep his drink. I moved closer to him and gave him a nudge. He was now slumped on the bar’s glass top. At my nudge, Jaejoong lifted his head and raised his bleary red-rimmed eyes at me.

‘Oh, Yoochun-ah! Yer here.’m glad—thish man ‘ere said I hafta stop drinkin’ and I dun wanna…’ he said, slurring.

My lips curled in distaste. I was so annoyed with him for this but I couldn’t leave him.

‘What are you doing here?’ I snapped. My irritation edging my words.

Jaejoong shrugged drunkenly and was silent for a few minutes then to my utter surprise he started crying.

‘He’s leaving me Chunnie…I know it.’ He cried and I awkwardly put a hand on his shoulder. I let him cry for a bit before I hobbled him out of the restaurant. 

I rented a small hut where we could talk. Junsu was out that time, he said he’d be going around the food shops we would try next. We could just go to our room but it would be a bother to explain about Jaejoong if Junsu was there. And besides Jaejoong was too distraught and I didn’t want Junsu to meet him that way.

In the hut, Jaejoong who was silent for a moment launched a full account on what happened to him and Yunho. I listened patiently while he cried his sorrows out but I also kept watch of the time. Junsu might have come back to our room.

‘Help me Yoochun-ah…come with me…to Seoul…I’m afraid I can’t talk sense into him. Talk to him for me, ‘Jaejoong gulped, ‘tell him, I’m a new man now. He’ll believe you. Please—‘

The implication of what he said came to me. ‘What? Me, talk to him? No, no hyung…you have to do it yourself, I can’t—‘I protested. What he was asking was really stupid. I couldn’t involve myself in this.

Jaejoong took my hand and gave it a tight squeeze. ‘Please! Please Yoochun-ah. You’ve got to help me. I promise you I’ll do anything you ask…just please…’

I paused to look at his tear-stained face. With a sigh of resignation I said, ‘Okay, I’ll talk to him as soon as Junsu and I get back to Seoul—‘

‘No! No, Yoochun. If we wait I’ll lose him. It will be too late by then. We have to go now.’

I snatched my hand back. I couldn’t possibly leave Junsu. Not now when we were in the middle of our vacation. It would break his heart because I knew how he prepared for this so much. I wasn’t certainly looking forward in cutting our celebration short. Even for my friend.

‘I can’t do that. He’ll be very disappointed with me. Jaejoong have the guts to tell Yunho-hyung yourself because I can’t help you now.’

For his answer, Jaejoong sobbed and I saw that he was very desperate.

‘Please, please...’

I closed my eyes. This would really be a mess. ‘I’m sorry…I can’t let you do this…I can’t hurt him…’ I whispered softly.

Jaejoong pleaded, “Please just this once, I’m begging you. I won’t bear it if I lose Yun—‘his voice caught at his lover’s name. ‘Yoochun…’

‘Oh,’ I said. I know how he felt. I also couldn’t blame Jaejoong for behaving this way. But I didn’t know how to break this to Junsu. ‘Okay. But this is the last time.’ I agreed reluctantly.

Upon receiving my answer, Jaejoong proceeded on crying on my shoulder silently while I thought of ways on how to say to Junsu that we’d have to go back to Seoul tomorrow.

Jaejoong exhausted himself and slept on the bed. I threw a pitying look at him again before I left the hut. I had to go to Junsu and tell him about Jaejoong. 

When I came back to our private room, I was surprised because the door was wide open. I clearly remembered locking it before I left so I thought that Junsu was already there. I crossed the small living area while calling out his name.

‘Junsu-ah! Are you here? I have to tell you something important. It’s about my friend, Junsu?’ I shouted his name. It was really a small room so I knew he could easily hear me. But I didn’t get any answer so I went straight to out bedroom. He wasn’t there too. I thought that maybe he’d gone out again after coming back but even to me it sounded off. 

If he just left why was the door opened? I surveyed the room, nothing was out of place. Maybe he just got here but had to leave. He must have been in a rush if he left our door open. But what could be important? I knew Junsu, he was very careful. He would never do something so careless so he leaving the room in such manner wasn’t something he’d do normally.

A gnawing worry eased its way in my mind. Could he be hurt somewhere? What the heck happened? Where was he? My legs moved before I even registered the action in my brain. All I could think of was finding Junsu fast.

I ran back to the line of restaurants by the shore, I thought that maybe he was still there and someone just broke into our room. I searched the faces of the people there but no one was Junsu. By that time, my heart had started thumping hard. ‘He’s just somewhere else.’ I told myself. I ran to the shore where small cottages and umbrellas were but there were too many people. Still, I tried to look for that familiar figure in the sea of strangers. Nothing. He wasn’t among them.

My mind was racing with thoughts of Junsu and I almost missed something weird. The people around me seemed to be crowding over something. They seemed agitated. A voice inside me prodded me to go forward and look. After some pushing I got to see what it was all about. My eyes locked to the far reach of water before me. I couldn’t make out anything because of the dark, but some people had flashlights with them and they kept on trailing a figure in the water. That was when I saw him.

It was Junsu. He was wading to the deep part of the sea. I could see that the tide tonight made the water unusually higher. Waves were stronger and were coming towards us in bigger loops. But much bigger waves were rushing towards Junsu. An icy fear coiled itself around my heart. 

What was he doing? Was he trying to kill himself? My mind wailed at the thought and my stomach tightened. He couldn’t be serious! He wouldn’t leave me. Why was he doing this? To my horror, the water he was treading on crept higher and higher. I could see it lapping his chin now. I couldn’t watch anymore. 

I pushed forward before anyone could stop me and ran to the water as I shouted his name.

‘Junsu-ah! Stop, what are you doing?’ 

The water was cold; it bit through my skin with such force that I was momentarily stunned. I faltered and almost fell forward. I frantically looked for Junsu and I saw him swimming farther away from me. He didn’t seem to have heard me. I tried to move forward and swim through the cold water. ‘He couldn’t be that far’, I thought. I could still reach him.

‘Junsu-ah! My god—please help us! Junsu!’

At this time, the people at the shore were also shouting. They were shouting at me, at Junsu, at the life guards. I could sense they were afraid. This was like witnessing a potential tragedy happening before their eyes. They didn’t want to be a part of that tragedy. And if they could stop it, they would. But I was part of the tragedy and they couldn’t imagine how it scared the shit out of me. I blocked out their cries and shouts and focused on swimming towards Junsu.

‘Junsu!’ I shouted again, trying to get is attention. But it seemed like he couldn’t really hear me.

In between heaves of breath and pushing through the water, my brain started replaying images of us during the earlier part of our vacation. I tried to remember anything that could have triggered this in him. ‘What have I done? Have I given him a reason to for this? Oh, Junsu my love. Why? Why? Please…don’t leave me!’ 

The mere thought of losing him made me choke on the grief that instantly grabbed me. My vision blurred not because of the salt water in my eyes but because of the tears that that started falling. I remembered his kind eyes that twinkle with mischief when he teased me. His encouraging smile that always made me feel I was stronger than I believed. I could hear his laugh, clear and distinct. It was an infectious laugh, the one that always made me guffaw out loud with him. I remember his warm embrace as he held me close to his heart. I loved it best when I felt his heart and always I thought that his heart was beating in time with mine. Our love was making our hearts beat the same beat and it always comforted me. Now he was going far away from me and I didn’t know why. The unfairness of it bubbled in my chest and I shouted his name again in desperation.

‘Junsu!’

My tears consumed me at that moment. I saw through the blur of my tears that Junsu had sunk underwater. My whole being screamed ‘No!’ as I launched into swimming faster. But the waves proved to be too big for me and I found myself being engulfed by water. Fro a moment I resigned myself to drowning. If I couldn’t have Junsu with me I might as well die too.

I let the water close in on me. I surrendered to its force as it pulled me under. I welcomed the hands of sweet nothingness when I felt a stronger pull on my arm. I was dragged forcibly back to the surface. 

My lungs expanded the moment I hit the firm sandy beach. Water poured from my mouth as I sputtered and coughed. I had lain there for a moment before I registered that a life guard was shouting at me for my carelessness. 

‘…you almost drowned! How could you do something so stupid?’ 

The lifeguard yelled but I didn’t care. His voice jolted me back to the present. I searched the water for Junsu. I pushed myself upright. I could see that he was being carried by two other lifeguards. One of them started doing CPR. I half-stood on my shaking legs and made my way to Junsu.

I could hear someone saying ‘breathe, please breathe’ over and over and I silently prayed with him only to discover that the plea was coming from my own lips. In my head I repeated it as my mouth continued speaking.

Junsu was so pale. I hadn’t seen anyone so pale. His lips were blue and his chest was unmoving. Even as the life guards puff air into his lungs or bore on his chest in that rhythmic procedure. They continued giving air to him, their efforts seen as they did this for long minutes. I was still hanging on hope that Junsu could be saved if not for the way they locked eyes. I could see the unspoken message. It was over. 

I unconsciously whispered his name like a plea, I was willing him to breathe and open his eyes again. Smile at me again. Embrace me again. The unreality of the situation was making me half-crazy. It simply couldn’t happen to us. Not now. I hadn’t even told him again that I loved him. He couldn’t leave me without telling me the reason why he did this.

‘How could you do this to me? How could you be so selfish? Why didn’t you tell me anything? Junsu-ah! I love you—‘I cried angrily.

It was all so very unfair. How could he do this to me? He should’ve talked to me. He should’ve hit me if I did something wrong. He should’ve gotten angry. He should’ve shouted at me…he should’ve but he didn’t. Why? Why? Why?

‘Junsu-ah... w hy are so selfish? You’re selfish! I hate you…I hate it that I still love you—‘

I shouted brokenly at his prone body. I knew he couldn’t hear me and it made it hurt the more. I shouted until I couldn’t anymore. My tears flowed until my eyes hurt but I knew I would cry more. 

My life had just been taken away from me. My very soul snatched from me and I wasn’t sure I could be whole anymore. Not when Junsu was gone from me forever.

 

  
  
[ **OBLIVION (Junsu POV)** ](http://ellaine-mae.livejournal.com/26539.html)   
  


  



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